Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
