i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
