Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
