I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
