This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
