I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
