You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
