he thought i was a dude.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize