All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
