things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
