...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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