I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
