Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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