i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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