I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
