you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
