I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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