btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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