Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
