If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
