This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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