There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
