I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
