i wish starbucks made bloody marys
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize