I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
