I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
