It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize