So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
