giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
