Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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