That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
babies were throwing up all over the place
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
