this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
