I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
