You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
