he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
