Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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