I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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