toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
