I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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