did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
