nut hugger
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
