seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
