I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
