im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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