If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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