Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
