just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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