I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
