she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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