Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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