Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
