this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
