I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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