You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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