Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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