I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize