do herpes really smell.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
