apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
