YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
