I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
