Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
