You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
