Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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