Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
