you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
