If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
