it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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