i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
