Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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