Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
