You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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