like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
