You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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