My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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