Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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